Friday, April 24, 2009
Versus Morons
After some twit pours a beer on Rags coach Billy Goat Gruff Tortorella the Versus schnauzers play concern troll. To parphrase: Those New York fans are tough, if your Caps fan yeah you win this one and everyone forgets about it. Now, who knows what will happen at the Garden on Sunday?"
I do. A hockey game. A playoff hockey game. Guess what some a-hole throwing a beer at the Caps bench will do: motivate them.
Having a boisterous crowd is advantageous, but the crowd doesn't actually do anything at any game. None of the participants would have gotten where they are without being able to handle a hostile audience.
The Rags will probably win this series, but the incredible beer-bath-for-beer-bath revenge lust of the Rags fans will have had nothing to do with it.
This goes beyond the normal homerism of Versus for the Pens, Sharks and Rags; this is just plain moronic. Do these fools even know what they are watching?
I do. A hockey game. A playoff hockey game. Guess what some a-hole throwing a beer at the Caps bench will do: motivate them.
Having a boisterous crowd is advantageous, but the crowd doesn't actually do anything at any game. None of the participants would have gotten where they are without being able to handle a hostile audience.
The Rags will probably win this series, but the incredible beer-bath-for-beer-bath revenge lust of the Rags fans will have had nothing to do with it.
This goes beyond the normal homerism of Versus for the Pens, Sharks and Rags; this is just plain moronic. Do these fools even know what they are watching?
Labels: Versus sucks
// posted by Grinder McCarver @ 6:37 PM 
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I actually saw that and I couldn't understand what the fuck they thought they were talking about. Earlier they were having a ten minute circle jerk discussion the meaning of Sean Avery being a scratch.
The thing is, I think they originally wanted to see an Ovechkin vs. Crosby series, but when the Rangers went up 2-0 they decided to play that story line.
What we used to call ESPN magic was somehow worthy of that derisively ironic label. It's now more like Versus Wet Dreams.
The Rangers will win the series and send the Bruins to the conference finals without their ever having seen any real competition, and whoever gets there, the Devils, the Pens, or even the Canes will slaughter them and everyone will be so puzzled how a playoff goaltender with no record of playoff success didn't win the Conn Smythe again when he faces Brodeur (legend, cups, gold medals, etc.) Fleury (finals run last year) or Ward (overrated, still won a Cup and not as overrated as Thomas).
Here's the rogue's gallery of Versus announcers that they use:
John Forslund. Never met a jock he couldn't sniff, and belongs to a long uninteruppted chain of men wearing pom pom while writing shitty attempts at heroic poetry to praise the team they stole from Hartford. Ignores any kind of intellectual look at the game in favor of homoerotic praise of players.
Darren Elliott. Fired as the RADIO color commentator by the Ducks circa 2000, he went on to be a TV color commentator for the Trash and was involved in the ouster of Scott Ferrall as their play by play man, who was the most entertaining announcer anyway (he now has a great show on Sirius). He was a minor league goalie in a past life. Never knows what the fuck he's talking about.
Daryl Reaugh. Homer color commentator for the Dallas Stars. While he is not as moronic as his colleagues, he has attempted to develop a shtick by using alliteration and by abusing a thesaurus to sound intelligent when really he just implicitly invokes Inigo Montoya to say "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Billy Jaffe. Islanders homer. One time college player. All around douche. He has the cadence of an oversugared 5 year old and makes about as much sense. He tries to speak on matters with authority, but clearly has no fucking clue what's going on. Embarrassing.
Jack Edwards. Boston homer. Was allowed to run his mouth on ESPN but has been neutered and defanged by Versus. Kinda tolerable
Brickley. Just to have a real authenic sounding Southie tough on Ruins broadcasts they have this guy who epitomizes homerism. Somehow, he is on national TV.
Joe Beninati. Craps homer. Has the most annoying voice in sports. Which is fucked up because his color man on Caps broadcast has the second most annoying voice. He is three feet tall and removes Alexander Ovechkin's smegma orally free of charge.
Engblom. The mullet of despair. He has been saying dumb shit on hockey broadcasts for 15+ years. His reputation precedes him.
Olczyk. If you knew what you were talking about Eddie, you'd be behind the goddamn bench. Everything you say on the air is why you got fired. STFU
Patrick. Face man. Obviously doesn't know anything about hockey and is just sad he can't call baseball games. Has the world's most annoying statistics machine write a line in every fucking thing he says.
The few worthies on the network, like Emrick, Jones, Neil Smith, and the tolerables like Ahlers and Strader are drowned in the poo that this network dumps on us.
At least they got some younger tail to replace the sabre tooth chris simpson.
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The thing is, I think they originally wanted to see an Ovechkin vs. Crosby series, but when the Rangers went up 2-0 they decided to play that story line.
What we used to call ESPN magic was somehow worthy of that derisively ironic label. It's now more like Versus Wet Dreams.
The Rangers will win the series and send the Bruins to the conference finals without their ever having seen any real competition, and whoever gets there, the Devils, the Pens, or even the Canes will slaughter them and everyone will be so puzzled how a playoff goaltender with no record of playoff success didn't win the Conn Smythe again when he faces Brodeur (legend, cups, gold medals, etc.) Fleury (finals run last year) or Ward (overrated, still won a Cup and not as overrated as Thomas).
Here's the rogue's gallery of Versus announcers that they use:
John Forslund. Never met a jock he couldn't sniff, and belongs to a long uninteruppted chain of men wearing pom pom while writing shitty attempts at heroic poetry to praise the team they stole from Hartford. Ignores any kind of intellectual look at the game in favor of homoerotic praise of players.
Darren Elliott. Fired as the RADIO color commentator by the Ducks circa 2000, he went on to be a TV color commentator for the Trash and was involved in the ouster of Scott Ferrall as their play by play man, who was the most entertaining announcer anyway (he now has a great show on Sirius). He was a minor league goalie in a past life. Never knows what the fuck he's talking about.
Daryl Reaugh. Homer color commentator for the Dallas Stars. While he is not as moronic as his colleagues, he has attempted to develop a shtick by using alliteration and by abusing a thesaurus to sound intelligent when really he just implicitly invokes Inigo Montoya to say "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Billy Jaffe. Islanders homer. One time college player. All around douche. He has the cadence of an oversugared 5 year old and makes about as much sense. He tries to speak on matters with authority, but clearly has no fucking clue what's going on. Embarrassing.
Jack Edwards. Boston homer. Was allowed to run his mouth on ESPN but has been neutered and defanged by Versus. Kinda tolerable
Brickley. Just to have a real authenic sounding Southie tough on Ruins broadcasts they have this guy who epitomizes homerism. Somehow, he is on national TV.
Joe Beninati. Craps homer. Has the most annoying voice in sports. Which is fucked up because his color man on Caps broadcast has the second most annoying voice. He is three feet tall and removes Alexander Ovechkin's smegma orally free of charge.
Engblom. The mullet of despair. He has been saying dumb shit on hockey broadcasts for 15+ years. His reputation precedes him.
Olczyk. If you knew what you were talking about Eddie, you'd be behind the goddamn bench. Everything you say on the air is why you got fired. STFU
Patrick. Face man. Obviously doesn't know anything about hockey and is just sad he can't call baseball games. Has the world's most annoying statistics machine write a line in every fucking thing he says.
The few worthies on the network, like Emrick, Jones, Neil Smith, and the tolerables like Ahlers and Strader are drowned in the poo that this network dumps on us.
At least they got some younger tail to replace the sabre tooth chris simpson.
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