Friday, May 30, 2008
Finally.
Tortorella's been on my deadlist for ages. Coaches either have support from players, management, or their success record--their very recent success record. Tortorella had none of these, so he was bound to go. . .
. . . but for Barry Fuckin' Melrose? haha. Torts must feel like Bill Clinton. Replaced by a barely sentient moron who has no idea what the fuck he's talking about.
. . . but for Barry Fuckin' Melrose? haha. Torts must feel like Bill Clinton. Replaced by a barely sentient moron who has no idea what the fuck he's talking about.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sucky.
Honestly, I haven't watched a hockey game in a while, but I've noticed the scores.
This was the league's dream match up? When are they going to get their heads around the fact that everything the league wants for its own good actually ends up sucking.
This has been the most boring playoff year in as long as I can remember.
This was the league's dream match up? When are they going to get their heads around the fact that everything the league wants for its own good actually ends up sucking.
This has been the most boring playoff year in as long as I can remember.
Monday, May 19, 2008
SCF: Prepare the Coronation
Pittsburgh vs. Detroit.
Pittsburgh in 7.
If they're not staging this, they should pretend they are. It doesn't get much more perfect than this. The Penguins glam band crew of young doughboys kick ath in the regular season and then plow through all opposition to get to the finals.
Sing it:
So, I'm throwing out my usual analysis and saying this is going to be the ultimate case of "ESPN Magic" and our eyes will be bleeding with Sid lifting the cup for the rest of our lives.
Pittsburgh in 7.
If they're not staging this, they should pretend they are. It doesn't get much more perfect than this. The Penguins glam band crew of young doughboys kick ath in the regular season and then plow through all opposition to get to the finals.
Sing it:
I'm only seventeen (seventeen)The truth is, even though they have a huge stable of talent, they won't be able to keep it together much longer under the current CBA, and probably won't be able to keep Malkin and Crosby. This is their chance and they know it.
I'll show you love like you've never seen
She's only seventeen (seventeen)
Daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough for me
So, I'm throwing out my usual analysis and saying this is going to be the ultimate case of "ESPN Magic" and our eyes will be bleeding with Sid lifting the cup for the rest of our lives.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Terrible
There have been no competitive series since the first round. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
This is has been the worst playoffs I can remember. There are no compelling stories, cinderella teams, or hard fought battles. It just seems like a pre-packaged Crosby coronation.
We've come a long, long way from the miracle comebacks, bone rattling checks, and soul crushing performances of last year's champs, or from the third round clash of the titans that occurred in the last two years, the cinderella Oilers... you name it: those things that make the NHL playoffs great have been mostly absent this year, and entirely absent after the second round.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
This is has been the worst playoffs I can remember. There are no compelling stories, cinderella teams, or hard fought battles. It just seems like a pre-packaged Crosby coronation.
We've come a long, long way from the miracle comebacks, bone rattling checks, and soul crushing performances of last year's champs, or from the third round clash of the titans that occurred in the last two years, the cinderella Oilers... you name it: those things that make the NHL playoffs great have been mostly absent this year, and entirely absent after the second round.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
Monday, May 5, 2008
San Jose Chokes
Blow 'em up.
I'm not sure, exactly, what is to be done, but this iteration of the San JoseSharks Chokes needs to be redone. They need a playoff performer that's more reliable. This isn't to say that Joe Thornton or Marleau is the problem--again, I don't know what is to be done, but they are now perennial underachievers.
P.S. This is the first time since 2000 that the final four included no possibility of a brand new cup winner, and only the third time in 20 years. (1997, 1992) Wonderful. I guess I wantthe PensQueensrÿche to win? Ugh.
I'm not sure, exactly, what is to be done, but this iteration of the San Jose
P.S. This is the first time since 2000 that the final four included no possibility of a brand new cup winner, and only the third time in 20 years. (1997, 1992) Wonderful. I guess I want
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Round 3
If Marty Biron is as much better as he looks right now than Ryan Miller, the Sabres are looking dumb.
I don't think that will matter though. For some reason, I just didn't compute that the Penguins have so many guys that can score. And they are scary good. It's a kind of tradition with them that they don't play very defensively, so if they get some d-men who can hang and a stellar goaltending performance, they are deadly.
Flyers vs. Penguins (Flyers vs. Poison)
Penguins in 6.
The Flyers have impressed me, they really have. They rebuilt very quickly into a new model for the team, instead of trying to perpetuate Bob Clarke's attempt to resurrect the Broad Street Bullies. I just don't think they can overcome all of Pittsburgh's scoring, their equally good netminding and ... the ESPN magic of Crosby fellation.
Still Pittsburgh is definitely the glam band of the NHL. Still power chords and perms are tougher than the Flyers NKOTB sparkle.
Detroit vs. Dallas
Detroit in 4
We can call this the Western Conference Final, or the Who Wants To Be The Team That Made Sid Famous. Dallas has beaten two teams that didn't give a shit, and Detroit has beat two teams that were for real. Though I still think there is some room for passion to trump Detroit's Borg-like menace, Dallas is even more Borg-like, and without Jeri Ryan's tits. (Is it weird that we can thank her Star Trek jumpsuit for President Obama?*)
Either way, something tells me everyone in the NHL is starting to grease up for a hard, fast and explosive circle jerk to Sidney Crosby. They need a Wayne.
* - Jeri Ryan's hot alien borg tits amply revealed in their convex glory turned Jack Ryan's crank up so much that he was trying to get her to do weird alien sex shit, which came out in their divorce, which kicked up enough of a scandal to let Obama win by like 200 percent or something and the rest is American History X.
I don't think that will matter though. For some reason, I just didn't compute that the Penguins have so many guys that can score. And they are scary good. It's a kind of tradition with them that they don't play very defensively, so if they get some d-men who can hang and a stellar goaltending performance, they are deadly.
Flyers vs. Penguins (Flyers vs. Poison)
Penguins in 6.
The Flyers have impressed me, they really have. They rebuilt very quickly into a new model for the team, instead of trying to perpetuate Bob Clarke's attempt to resurrect the Broad Street Bullies. I just don't think they can overcome all of Pittsburgh's scoring, their equally good netminding and ... the ESPN magic of Crosby fellation.
Still Pittsburgh is definitely the glam band of the NHL. Still power chords and perms are tougher than the Flyers NKOTB sparkle.
Detroit vs. Dallas
Detroit in 4
We can call this the Western Conference Final, or the Who Wants To Be The Team That Made Sid Famous. Dallas has beaten two teams that didn't give a shit, and Detroit has beat two teams that were for real. Though I still think there is some room for passion to trump Detroit's Borg-like menace, Dallas is even more Borg-like, and without Jeri Ryan's tits. (Is it weird that we can thank her Star Trek jumpsuit for President Obama?*)
Either way, something tells me everyone in the NHL is starting to grease up for a hard, fast and explosive circle jerk to Sidney Crosby. They need a Wayne.
* - Jeri Ryan's hot alien borg tits amply revealed in their convex glory turned Jack Ryan's crank up so much that he was trying to get her to do weird alien sex shit, which came out in their divorce, which kicked up enough of a scandal to let Obama win by like 200 percent or something and the rest is American History X.
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