Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Playoff Predictions - The Fuck You Comcast Edition
{There were technical difficulties with this one, but better late than never.}
In the spirit of hatred for the cable monopoly and its inability to provide access to all of the NHL playoff games at any price I hereby offer my playoff predictions.
WEST
(1) Red Wings vs. (8) Nashville
Another year, another coasting older Red Wings team ready to have its feathers plucked. These Predators ain't no '06 Oilers though. Even with their injuries the Red Wings have too much firepower. Getting Rafalski was one of the better moves of the off season although no one talks about it. BarFood in 4. Why is Versus/NBC broadcasting every game of this slaughter? Fuck You Comcast!
(2) San Jose vs. (7) Calgary
Two first round ousters since gritting their way to the finals in '04 shows that those Flames were a good team on a special run, and not a regular top caliber contender. If Kiprusoff stands on his head then Iginla is the skater most likely to score the deciding goal, but I still like the Sharks in 6.
(3) Wild vs (6) Avs
With their trade deadline acquisitions and their dramatic import of superskilled Swede Peter Forsberg the Avs are favorites for the Stanley Cup!... in 1999. In 2008 they are the perfect snack for a Jacques Lemaire team. Wild in 5. If South Park hadn't devolved into a Budweiser commercial for right-wing acid heads it would feature Woody Paige and Comcast eating goat testicles together.
(4) Ducks vs. (5) Stars
Every six years the Intel Corporation allows it's employees to go on a six-week sabbatical. Because the work is so tiring and intense they need the extended break, in addition to their regular leave, to keep fresh over the long haul. Scott "Vinny" Niedermeyer and Teemu Selanne took a sabbatical this year. Now they are back, and while Weight/Bertuzzi haven't quite replaced Penner/MacDonald the Ducks still have the best defense in the league, a top checking line, and a top goalie. Selanne is one of the most under-estimated big game forwards in the league Turco still hasn't won anything in the playoffs and Zubov seems to be living in a Weird Al song and Brad Richards is one of the most over-rated palyers in the league. When will people realize that Dave Andreychuck was the reason the 'Ning won their cup? Ducks in 5.
EAST
(1) Canadiens vs. (8) Bruins
deClaude Julien teams always seems to play just well enough to barely lose. Habs have been truly impressive this year. Potato gun Broons offense will not test Price enough to see if he is for real, especially if Savard is not 100%. Unless Price pulls a Roman Turek this should be easy for the Habs. Habs in 4.
(2) Penguins vs. (7) Senators
Sens only avoided getting swept by the Ducks last year due to some Canardian homerism amongst the Zebras. Again, the Sens were a good team, maybe a very good team, on a special run last year. They're stuck in the pumpkin now and the NHL will not want to groom their pet Sidney for only one round. For all of my snarkiness, Pens have two scary top lines and some good grinders/goons in the bottom six. The jury is still out on their goaltending, but it won't matter against the Sens. Pens in 5.
(3) Capitals vs. (6) Flyers
Caps have developed into more than a one man show with some good cyclers and grinders in their bottom six. Flyers have become a bit more finesse-oriented, but this is intermingled with dirty play and you know that they will bring out the goon tactics if they are down by two games. Both goalies are an unknown quantity in this one, but the Caps seem to be this year's squad on a special ride. Also, if it all comes down to one play by a skater, then Ovechkin is the one most likely to make said play. Caps in 6.
(4) Devils vs. (5) Rangers
Leave it to the geniuses at Versus to short change what seems destined to be the best series of first round. Fuck you Comcast! That said, quietly the Rangers have returned to Hessian mode. Salary cap or not only Lundqist and Staal are home grown major players. Jagr, Shannahan, Straka, Gomez, Drury, and Avery -- their entire top six -- are all Hessians and amongst that group only Avery has arguably defined his career as a Ranger. Unlike past NY Hockey Hessian squads though, this group has some character and a strategy.
Most of the pundits are giving the Rangers a big talent edge up front in this series. The Devils never really replaced Gomez or Rafalski and even when they were a top ten offensive team (look it up) they always had a propensity to turn unheard of goalies into the second coming of Jacques Plante. Seen Damien Rhodes lately? Devils are bigger and a bit tougher than last year, but they lack a superlative player on offense or defense except, perhaps, for Parise. Then again, if the talent gap is so 1994-like then why were all of the games between these teams so close this year? Devils have oodles of experience and have generally limited the Rangers' chances this year and it is unlikely that the Rangers would play either Washington or Pittsburgh in the next round, thereby obviating NBC magic. Devils in 7 coin flips.
Final Word on Regular Season: The Hurricanes missed the playoffs for a second straight season. Rob Brind'Amour destroyed his knee and Cam Ward is looking more and more like a journeyman. The case for the Curse of the Double Banner Raise grows.
In the spirit of hatred for the cable monopoly and its inability to provide access to all of the NHL playoff games at any price I hereby offer my playoff predictions.
WEST
(1) Red Wings vs. (8) Nashville
Another year, another coasting older Red Wings team ready to have its feathers plucked. These Predators ain't no '06 Oilers though. Even with their injuries the Red Wings have too much firepower. Getting Rafalski was one of the better moves of the off season although no one talks about it. BarFood in 4. Why is Versus/NBC broadcasting every game of this slaughter? Fuck You Comcast!
(2) San Jose vs. (7) Calgary
Two first round ousters since gritting their way to the finals in '04 shows that those Flames were a good team on a special run, and not a regular top caliber contender. If Kiprusoff stands on his head then Iginla is the skater most likely to score the deciding goal, but I still like the Sharks in 6.
(3) Wild vs (6) Avs
With their trade deadline acquisitions and their dramatic import of superskilled Swede Peter Forsberg the Avs are favorites for the Stanley Cup!... in 1999. In 2008 they are the perfect snack for a Jacques Lemaire team. Wild in 5. If South Park hadn't devolved into a Budweiser commercial for right-wing acid heads it would feature Woody Paige and Comcast eating goat testicles together.
(4) Ducks vs. (5) Stars
Every six years the Intel Corporation allows it's employees to go on a six-week sabbatical. Because the work is so tiring and intense they need the extended break, in addition to their regular leave, to keep fresh over the long haul. Scott "Vinny" Niedermeyer and Teemu Selanne took a sabbatical this year. Now they are back, and while Weight/Bertuzzi haven't quite replaced Penner/MacDonald the Ducks still have the best defense in the league, a top checking line, and a top goalie. Selanne is one of the most under-estimated big game forwards in the league Turco still hasn't won anything in the playoffs and Zubov seems to be living in a Weird Al song and Brad Richards is one of the most over-rated palyers in the league. When will people realize that Dave Andreychuck was the reason the 'Ning won their cup? Ducks in 5.
EAST
(1) Canadiens vs. (8) Bruins
deClaude Julien teams always seems to play just well enough to barely lose. Habs have been truly impressive this year. Potato gun Broons offense will not test Price enough to see if he is for real, especially if Savard is not 100%. Unless Price pulls a Roman Turek this should be easy for the Habs. Habs in 4.
(2) Penguins vs. (7) Senators
Sens only avoided getting swept by the Ducks last year due to some Canardian homerism amongst the Zebras. Again, the Sens were a good team, maybe a very good team, on a special run last year. They're stuck in the pumpkin now and the NHL will not want to groom their pet Sidney for only one round. For all of my snarkiness, Pens have two scary top lines and some good grinders/goons in the bottom six. The jury is still out on their goaltending, but it won't matter against the Sens. Pens in 5.
(3) Capitals vs. (6) Flyers
Caps have developed into more than a one man show with some good cyclers and grinders in their bottom six. Flyers have become a bit more finesse-oriented, but this is intermingled with dirty play and you know that they will bring out the goon tactics if they are down by two games. Both goalies are an unknown quantity in this one, but the Caps seem to be this year's squad on a special ride. Also, if it all comes down to one play by a skater, then Ovechkin is the one most likely to make said play. Caps in 6.
(4) Devils vs. (5) Rangers
Leave it to the geniuses at Versus to short change what seems destined to be the best series of first round. Fuck you Comcast! That said, quietly the Rangers have returned to Hessian mode. Salary cap or not only Lundqist and Staal are home grown major players. Jagr, Shannahan, Straka, Gomez, Drury, and Avery -- their entire top six -- are all Hessians and amongst that group only Avery has arguably defined his career as a Ranger. Unlike past NY Hockey Hessian squads though, this group has some character and a strategy.
Most of the pundits are giving the Rangers a big talent edge up front in this series. The Devils never really replaced Gomez or Rafalski and even when they were a top ten offensive team (look it up) they always had a propensity to turn unheard of goalies into the second coming of Jacques Plante. Seen Damien Rhodes lately? Devils are bigger and a bit tougher than last year, but they lack a superlative player on offense or defense except, perhaps, for Parise. Then again, if the talent gap is so 1994-like then why were all of the games between these teams so close this year? Devils have oodles of experience and have generally limited the Rangers' chances this year and it is unlikely that the Rangers would play either Washington or Pittsburgh in the next round, thereby obviating NBC magic. Devils in 7 coin flips.
Final Word on Regular Season: The Hurricanes missed the playoffs for a second straight season. Rob Brind'Amour destroyed his knee and Cam Ward is looking more and more like a journeyman. The case for the Curse of the Double Banner Raise grows.
// posted by Grinder McCarver @ 10:12 PM 
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